Jennette McCurdy wrote an article about fake friends, however according to her tweet, it was never published. The following is from her TwitLonger post:
Letting Go of Someone
The title of this article sounds like I’m writing about coping with the death of a loved one. Rest assured, it won’t be that morbid. Sorry I’m bad at naming things…
This article is about knowing when to let go of a bad “friendship.” There seem to be a lot of articles floating around the web right now that provide tips for ditching this ambiguous “trouble friend”, so I wanted to provide my take on the matter, with a very personal example.
I had this “friend”. We had fun together in the first few months of our friendship. We ate at cool restaurants that she wanted to eat at, went to fun amusement parks and rode the rides she wanted to ride, and had sleepovers every couple of weeks where we would watch movies she wanted to watch. I enjoyed her company because she was fun and energetic, but I had some reservations about how much I could trust her because she seemed to be a leech for drama and gossip. I decided the good outweighed the bad, so I continued hanging out with her for a few months until our friendship slowly fizzled out.
Fast forward to a year or so later and we were back on the map as friends. Not those first tier friends who tell each other everything and who would jump in front of a bus for each other, but solid second tier friends I would say. I’m not even sure how we fell back into being friends. It just sort of… happened.
Before I know it, we were back to hanging out… doing exactly what this girl wanted to do. I felt like every time I hung out with her I was in quicksand. Being around her took my identity because everything in her world became just that… “Her world”. It was really starting to bug me. I took a step back and was met with questions from her end: “Why aren’t we better friends?” “What happened to our friendship?” “Where did you go?” “Did I do something wrong?”
Well, (insert name here), here are the answers to your questions…
We aren’t better friends because being friends with you takes the “better” out of me. In fact, I might possibly be the worst version of myself when I’m around you.
As for what happened to our friendship, it faded once through happenstance and it is happening this time through my stance. I’m standing up for myself. I’m not playing your games, letting you manipulate me, and succumbing to your twisted perception of reality.
Where did I go? As far away from you as I can get. You won’t be hearing from me anymore because sweetheart, being a friend to you was doing so much more for you than it was doing for me. You sucked the life right out of me, and I want my life back.
Did you do something wrong? Yes and no. I’m not sure whether you intentionally did something wrong or not, because I have always been a little unclear on what exactly your intentions are. But you did do something wrong in the way you did not treat me right. You disrespected me, disregarded me, and made me feel small by having to always make yourself seem so big.
So for these sincere reasons, I am officially dropping you as a friend. If I see you, I won’t turn the other way and run (even though I want to). Instead, I’ll just smile and end the conversation as quickly as possible, because no offense, but I don’t want any of you rubbing off on me. Actually, that’s pretty offensive. Oh well.
In the latest Seventeen Magazine blog article, Jennette expresses how disconcerting it feels when she’s told to act like a 21 year old. She realizes it’s perfectly fine to have your own version of fun and not rush into relationships/marriage nor fill the stereotypical adult image. As she puts it: “just enjoy yourself, whatever that means to you. Somebody else’s idea of what you should be will never, ever be what you are.”
You can read the entire blog post on the official Seventeen Magazine site or below:
Being a 21 year old and trying to figure out love is strange. Some of my friends close to my age are married with a baby, and some have never had a serious boyfriend. I’ve been single and yearning for the comfort of a relationship, and I have been in serious relationships and yearning for the “freedom” of singlehood.
Sometimes I share my relationship woes with my more mature confidantes (grandparents, cousins, and the like), and when I do, there is one statement that by far crops up the most: “Just be a 21 year old!”
To which I ask, HOW CAN I BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN A 21-YEAR-OLD WHEN I AM 21?! Granted, I know they don’t mean it literally, but I still get so confused. “Just be a 21 year old” seems to imply that all 21-year-old girls need to date lots of boys, not be too serious about love, and drive along the coast in a Jeep with the top-down while blasting J-Lo (I do that last one anyway, so that’s not confusing at all, but still).
Basically, I just don’t understand the statement. Are my 21-year-old-married-mother friends matronly and haggard? I don’t think so. I don’t see any grays in their Facebook photos (maybe they used photoshop, but I’ll never know…). And are my friends who are signed up on dating websites to try and find a real love connection sad and needy? Am I, the indecisive, up-and-down girl, just overthinking things? Is the only acceptable 21-year-old existence the one where you look like a Wildfox ad at all times, a sort of au naturel rock and roll girl who keeps a string of boys on her line but never commits because she just “wants to have fun?”
Now don’t get me wrong, this kid likes to have fun (I’m pointing at myself right now with a partying grin on my face). My whole point is simply that fun means something different for everyone. “Just be a 21 year old” – or a 17, 18, etc year old – is an invalid statement because we’re all at different places in our life paths and to reduce us to our given amount of years on earth is, well, reducing us. If we all just said, “Oh! Be a 21-year-old! OK!” and clicked a button that led us to become the stereotypical, pre-set idea of a 21-year-old, we would be robots. Which is kind of cool but not realistic.
Bottom line: just enjoy yourself, whatever that means to you. Somebody else’s idea of what you should be will never, ever be what you are. Only you know who you are and what you want. Sometimes it can be difficult to clear out all the noise and clutter in our lives, but if you just take a few minutes a day to really think about the things that define you, and to separate all the opinions and judgments from your heart and mind, you might be surprised at how simple it really is. And when you realize how simple it really is, give me a call, because I’ll still be standing in the corner confused. :P
Just have fun, ladies. And do you.